Phibel • February 14, 2025 • 8 min read

Pleased to (m)eat you

Welcome to The Unwinding Eater. I’m glad we found you! In this introductory blog post, I want to give a taste of my approach to empowered nourishment and talk about what I consider one of its pillars: pleasure.

I’ve been on a quest for pleasure with food from the moment I started experiencing challenged eating patterns at 16 to my training in dynamic eating psychology to this day. Here’s what I’ve come to understand in my flesh…

Guilty pleasure is wasted pleasure. There, I’ve just said it.

This mantra helps me break the spell of guilt whenever I catch myself with the thought of a certain food being “bad”. It reminds me that foods are not inherently good or bad. Rather, it’s how we consume them—at which frequency and in which state of mind—that brings us closer to health or dis-ease.

I believe balance is achieved not only throughout the day but also from one day, week, month or even year to the other. And unless there are serious physical conditions at play, the body is generally resilient and responsive to any change of diet and lifestyle.

So munching on three highly processed cookies will not harm me. Even if I downed the whole damn pack of cookies, it would still not harm me significantly. If I did that every single day for an entire year, that would be another story. I’d probably feel the storm of physiological anxiety that intense amounts of sugar would create in my system over time. Not to mention the underlying existential anxiety I’d be avoiding by stuffing my face.

I trust in the body’s ability to say enough is enough, and to let us know what is needed to restore balance. Provided we listen deeply to its whisperings. Pleasure is medicine and, as the saying goes, the dose makes the poison.

Guilty pleasure is wasted pleasure, because the relaxation of pleasure is cancelled by the stress of guilt.

Pleasure is a fundamental human need. We humans are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. That’s how we go from the ache of hunger to the contentment of satiety. The feel bad-eat food-feel better equation is encoded in our DNA. You probably don’t have a conscious memory of this, but all fibers of your being do remember that when you were a crying baby and were breast- or bottle-fed, you’d calm down… you cute little diva.

Pleasure is a key aspect of digesting food properly. Which only happens in rest-and-digest mode aka the relaxation response. And relaxation loves the company of slowness and presence.

Pleasure is part of the cephalic phase of digestion, meaning: the brain scans each food or drink that goes into the body, checking for sight, smell, taste, texture, micro- and macronutrients. And pleasure. All of those are necessary data for the brain to decide if we had a decent meal.

In other words, the brain goes: Does this food look appetizing? Does it smell delicious? Is it yummy to the taste buds? Is the texture satisfying? Did we get a fulfilling amount of vitamins, minerals, fats, proteins, and carbs?

Really, what your brain is asking is, did we enjoy this overall?

The brain needs about 20 minutes to go through this whole scanning process before it starts sending satiety cues. When we gulp our food or we’re not present to it (because of guilt…), or dislike what’s on our plate, we override this head phase of digestion. Actually, the brain interprets this missed experience as not having eaten.

And that’s how we’re hungry two hours later or we snack endlessly, or overeat at the next meal, or might even binge eat at some point. Because our brain’s job is to keep us alive and, for that, to make sure we take in enough of the essential nutrients. The thing is, in survival mode, the brain is not picky about food—the carbs, fats and proteins in cookies will just do.

What can get in the way of experiencing pleasure:

Distraction: maybe we’re having lunch on the corner of our desk, while working on the computer or scrolling through social media. Pleasure thrives in presence.

Eating speed: the body knows that we best digest when we relax. So eating too fast signals to the body there’s a threat we’re trying to run away from. In survival mode, stress is stress, whether it’s a deadline to meet, a toxic nutritional belief, or an actual tiger chasing us. Pleasure likes slowness.

Toxic nutritional beliefs: these are beliefs or rules we hold about food and the body, which are factually incorrect or outdated. They are harmful to our system because they create mental stress that in turn impacts digestion and metabolism, and ultimately drives us into unwanted eating patterns. This is a whole subject for another blog post. For now I’ll just share my favorite examples: “(Fat in) food makes me fat”, “Food is my enemy”, “I need to control my appetite”, “Eat less, exercise more”, “I have no willpower”. Pleasure can’t coexist with beating oneself up with BS.

Our very relationship to pleasure—and guilt— in Life: this can be influenced by upbringing, religion and spirituality, social media, cultural messaging, trauma, etc.

Now, I’m not suggesting to ditch the guilt altogether. I think it’s a useful and valid feeling to have when it helps us reflect on our behaviors and, ultimately, reduce harm for ourselves and others. When we turn the pang of remorse into the satisfaction of wiser choices.

As far as food is concerned, my point is: don’t let guilt consume you to such an extent that unmindful eating keeps you stuck in a loop of unwanted eating habits. How about you experiment with allowing yourself to pleasure with food, and see how that impacts appetite, food choices, and eating patterns?

Don’t just feed yourself. Nourishment is your birthright. So are rest and slowness, even when the world outside wants you to believe otherwise.

No need to chew your food an impossible number of times before swallowing it, unless it makes you feel good deep down. Leave your phone in another room or on silent mode. Turn on some music you enjoy or relish the silence. Set yourself a comfortable space to eat. If you can, create health and beauty into a dish, or go get some fresh air and mouth-watering takeaway. Eat what you truly feel like having.

Whatever you decide to do, envision slow, present and relaxed, with the intention to gift yourself a 20-minute break (at least) to savor your meal.

Do you find it challenging to slow up, relax around food and find pleasure in it? I’m here to help you unwind your food stories and access your unique body wisdom. Reach out!

You got this.

Belly hug,

Phibel